Getting better
Its official. I've decided its my time to get better. No "I'll do it next week", no "I'll just do it later", this is the last curtain call for my depression.
Its not a special day for little old me, the weather outside is drab and slightly nippy. I'm inside, alone with no one but my cat curled in my lap and my computer. It's a Thursday. Nothing usually ever happens on a Thursday, but not this one. Nothing can stop this Thursday from being the beginning of my new and improved self.
Recently, things have been pretty rough. I've not been in the right mind set, and I've been slacking on the things I really love to do. My ukulele has been collecting dust at the edge of my bed, my notebook of poems and songs almost a forgotten relic and my bed sheets unwashed and covered in the crumbs of midnight snacks, also known as my frantic attempt to eat away my feelings. I know, gross.
But today, I say no more.
This morning I woke with a heavy weight pulling on my shoulders, almost holding me in bed, school not even an option to my tired and unhappy self. My mum had to scurry off to work, and I got away with the lie of "I'm feeling sick"
So I stayed in bed most of the day, lying amoungst my anxiety, contempt with the thought of never leaving the comfort of my room. It was safe there.
I don't know how, or why, but I was hit with a realisation. After a solid 3-4 hours of watching Youtube videos that I barely even payed attention to, it struck me. What was I doing? I knew feeling how I was at that time was not right, I knew that the actions I was indulging in wasn't healthy, or making me any better and I knew, weather I'd like to admit it or not, that something had to change.
So I guess that's why I started this blog up again. To document that change, for people to relate, for people to learn, and most importantly, for people to understand that its not easy. The road to recovery is long and difficult and seems neverending, but it's worth it.
Or at least I hope so
Signing off,
Jules {Jilliarna}